By Jane Pinel
As we enter the third year of the COVID-19 virus, having experienced record-breaking numbers of cases and record-breaking numbers of deaths, we need to watch for the impact on children. As a psychologist who grew up during the Great Depression, I know that children will be the ones who will suffer the most. The pandemic will be no different.
Recently I was visiting on Zoom with my four-year-old great-grandson. He is living a good life with loving parents. As I watched him rambunctiously play, there was one word that described him. That word was confidence. His confidence at playing acrobatics with his dad or peekaboo with his brother was a delight to watch.
Confidence affects almost everything we do in life: making friends, getting a job, playing sports, proposing marriage, and more. I know, because my own confidence disappeared at the same age my little great-grandson is right now.
I was born in 1926 to two loving parents who were educated and successful in business. I was the first baby in an extended family and was doted on, admired, and loved. The world seemed to revolve around me. When I was almost four years old, our lives were upended by the Crash of 1929. My dad lost his business and we had to move out of our house. Over the next few years we lived in several attics, while my parents struggled to get back on their feet during which time no one talked about it or explained it. I was bewildered.
After about five years they were on the road to recovery and we were back in our happy home. I had a great education, but it was always a mystery to me as to why I was so quiet, shy and unsure of myself. It was hard for me to make friends, I never stood up in class. Later, I was very bad at job interviews and always afraid of groups of people. At one point, I was teaching school and giving a report in the auditorium to an audience of other teachers. I felt like such an outsider and so alone as I stood there.
I became curious as to when I first felt that way and why. I started going back through the years remembering the times that I had felt so isolated. I could remember each one clearly and then there would be another one even earlier. Finally I was back to the years that we spent in my aunt’s attic. I was sitting outside underneath a wisteria bush with its purple blossoms hanging over my head. I remember thinking everyone around me was very sad and that it must be because of me. Maybe I should not even be here and people would be happy again. The shock of change during the Depression completely shook my confidence in being welcome in the world and claiming my place in it. These effects may also depend on your age and stage of development.
There are so many families today who are worried about their jobs, putting food on the table, helping their children stay focused on school, keeping a roof over their heads and paying their bills. I fear that many children are wondering what happened, why are things different, why are my parents not smiling anymore, why are they not happy anymore? Is it me?
I have a few suggestions to offer families on how to navigate through this dynamic period.
1. Talk to your children. Explain in simple terms what’s happening and why you are a little sad and that it has nothing to do with them. This too will pass.
2. Be aware of personality changes in your children. Help children understand what they are feeling. There also may be changes in the family dynamics.
3. Find small jobs that children can do so they can feel part of the solution. Setting the table for supper, washing the dishes, taking out the trash, little things that help out. They will feel like they are contributing and the family is working together.
4. Try to find fun things you can do each day with them. Play a game, cook something together, share a joke. Have everyone share the best thing that happened that day and the worst thing that happened. Laugh a little.
Children are resilient but their needs should not be overlooked.
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Jane Pinel has a M.A. in Counseling from the University of New Hampshire and B.A. in Psychology from Cornell University. She was the founder and publisher of Wellspring Magazine, which focused on the needs of children. She is retired and resides in Alexandria, Virginia.