By Jane Pinel

Know that your little one has succeeded in the awesome challenges of learning to roll over, sit up, and walk — learning to get up and try again when he falls down. Now he has, perhaps the most challenging task of all, learning words and how to use them. Most likely his first words will be mama and dada and maybe a treasured version of grandma or grandpa. As he learns to walk and climb and reach for things, he will need to know the meaning of the word ‘no’ for his own safety or the safety of the objects he is trying to get.

Teaching the meaning of the word ‘no’ can be difficult for both child and parent. At times it can cause both frustration and anger, on both sides. Like any other word it takes time and repetition to fully understand its’ meaning. I have seen parents who say ‘no’ for the first time and expect their child to understand it from that moment on. Punishment should not be part of this learning experience. Curiosity is a sign of intelligence and should be encouraged always. If your child is about to touch something dangerous you can teach another word along with the word ‘no’. Say ‘no’ firmly plus the word ‘hurt’, which he may know from falling down and bumping himself. It’s an opportunity to introduce other new words — such as ‘break’ or ‘hot/cold’ — apply to your reason for saying ‘no’.

The object here is to help your child build his confidence in learning about the world, while keeping him safe. Be sure to share your joy and pleasure with him when he succeeds challenges which may seem small to you but are huge for him.

By Jane Pinel

As your little one explores his new world, he will necessarily fall down sometimes, or bump his head or hurt his hand. Of course if it is serious you will attend to it right away. But very often you will notice as soon as the bump happens, even while he is still on the floor, he will look at you before he starts to cry. This is to identify whether he should be really worried about what happened or not. If it’s not serious it is important that you answer his look with smiling reassurance, in the words of encouragement as you stand him on his feet again. Your reaction is teaching him how to respond.

As your toddler gets a little older he will find things he wants to accomplish, such as throwing and catching a ball, or trying a new ride on the playground. Once again, he will look to you for the confidence and belief in himself that he needs to keep trying if he doesn’t first succeed. An attitude by his parent of blame or punishment when he is trying to learn a new skill, can be devastating. However, there is a little wiggle room for you if you have had a bad day at work or you haven’t eaten for the last eight hours, but you must be positive, supportive, and let him know that you believe in him and his abilities whenever possible. For small child, their sense of confidence depends on who is caring for them and their experiences with success.  

By Jane Pinel

Confidence: A sense of power and control and the feeling of “I can do this”.

Humans are not solitary creatures. They need to feel like they are part of a group to feel safe. A new baby, totally helpless, if he is born into a family that is preoccupied with war or drugs or other things and no one answers his cry for food or comfort, he feels abandoned. But if a newborn baby cries and is comforted with food and a warm loving breast and a family who loves him, it starts to occur to him that his cries are bringing what he needs. He begins to feel the first sense of power and confidence in his own ability to survive. His cries are resulting in food, comfort and safety.

As your baby grows, you play and laugh and enjoy him. He begins to know that you are happy that he exists and gives you pleasure. He develops confidence and knows that he is in a safe environment.

In the next 12 months your baby will learn to use his hands to reach for things and hold his bottle. He will get strong enough to sit up on his own and eventually he will learn to take his first steps — a triumph of muscle coordination. With his new abilities and confidence he will set out to explore his world.

Now his life gets more complicated as he can reach things that are either dangerous or off limits for other reasons. Now you have to teach him the meaning of the word “no”. You must realize that you are the sun and the moon to this child. Your view of him is his view of himself. As you start to teach the meaning of the word “no”, punishment should not be part of this process. You must let him know you approved of him and believe in him but that he must learn the meaning of this new word and you know that he can do it.

Your child will need confidence to tackle the challenges of childhood. You can help him with this by letting him know you believe in his ability to succeed, and if he should have a failure you believe in his ability to get up and try again. Celebration of success is always more powerful than punishment for failure.