By Jane Pinel

It is important for children to learn to deal with their feelings. They watch how their parents and others react to situations and may follow those examples.

Anger, passion, fear, compassion are feelings that rule the world. 
The war between Russia and Ukraine is all the proof we need. 
Putin’s longing to regain the feeling of power and pride in the Soviet empire.
The West’s anger and fear of losing their freedom to autocracy.

Compassion as we struggle to support the Ukrainians in their deadly war against Russia.
Anger as we watch Russia killing and torturing Ukrainians.
Passion as the Ukrainians fight to the death to save their country and their love of freedom.
Our fear of a nuclear holocaust preventing us from fully supporting Ukraine.

Sometimes, if children have never talked about their feelings or been asked about their motivation for striking their brother or hugging their little sister, they grow up without awareness or understanding of their emotions. If we don’t talk to our children early on about what they are feeling and how to deal with their feelings, they may grow up expressing their anger through forms of aggression like with fists or guns.

Children need words to express their feelings. It helps if parents share their own feelings and even talk about how they are going to deal with specific emotions. For example, “I’m sad that your friend Joe can’t come to your birthday party because he’s sick. Let’s write him a note together to tell him to get better soon.”

It is important for your child to be able to identify and express his feelings rather than internalize them. Most of all it’s important for him to learn the appropriate way to express them. That takes practice. Using the right words is not always simple even when one is an adult.

One suggestion is to open a discussion at the dinner table without electronic interruptions. Ask your child what’s the best thing that happened to you today? How does that make you feel? What will you do? Then again what is the worst thing that happened to you today? How are you feeling about it? Is there something you can do? Depending on the age of your child he may need help dealing with comments made on social media or the response that he might have made on social media.

Fear, anger and shame are probably the hardest feelings to deal with. In a conversation, ask  your child how he would deal with a situation. Point out the possible consequences and perhaps suggest alternative action. In the case of positive experiences with appropriate actions, celebrate in some small way together to reinforce the successful handling of the situation or solving an issue.